Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Bearded Lady, The Werewolf Boy, The Sword Swallower, and Me

I am a freak show. Though my otolaryngologist did say today, “it’s not like we could take you to the fair and sell tickets.” So, I guess the Siamese Twins will stand together blocking my entrance into their side show society.

This morning was a barrel of fun… diphtheria/tetanus/pertussis booster, allergy injections (making progress, moved to a higher concentration today!), and a visit with the ENT.

It’s never good when a doctor asks whether you have drainage, you say no, and he looks in your throat and corrects you with a “yep, drainage.” But what is worse is when he checks out your CT scan and says there is something he needs to talk to you about… or, more accurately, multiple somethings.

1. Deviated septum. We knew that already. Maybe I was born with it, maybe it is the fault of the 1994 knee to the face swim team incident (thanks John), either way, it needs fixed.

2. Concha bullosa. Apparently it’s an abnormal pneumatization of the middle turbinate (strange little flaps in your nose) which is interfering with my breathing and my sinuses. Also needs fixed.

3. Middle Turbinate. As I mentioned before the concha bullosa is defined as being in your middle turbinate. In order to have a “middle” turbinate, you would need an odd number (three being normal). I have an extra. Four. Freakish. Like having an extra toe or a tail. Fixing this too.

4. Maxillary Sinuses. The exit is too small for the occupancy. It’s like the crowd from the Super Bowl exiting through one turnstile. And one more fix.

It can all be handled by a few doctors in a matter of a couple hours. Just some breaking, scraping, cutting, inserting, injecting and then I’ll be a whole new Lacey… still with virtually no sense of smell. I am nervous, but couldn’t be more excited for the results!

Added bonus? I’ll only be out of dry training for a week or so and out of the pool for two weeks.

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Michel said...

I still think Great White would have been a good analogy.

4. Maxillary Sinuses. Trying to breathe is like being at a Great White concert… The exit is too small for the occupancy.

wokka wokka wokka. yes, tasteless, I know.

Debra said...

*shakes head at Michel*

I am sorry you are a freak. I was the bearded lady in one play, and taht just sticks with you man. But I think you are way worse ;P
Mine was just a a dead rat like thing I taped to my chin, your is yours until it gets fixed.
Soon? When is the big day?

Lacey Joe said...

Getting everything fixed this coming Monday :) Less than a week!