I just keep telling myself, "black is slimming... black is slimming... black is slimming... black is slimming..." But honestly, how slimming could these pants be? Anything that clings to my skin with such conviction can't have and regard for my pride at all.
I wear crazy tight pants to bike. I wear crazy tight pants to run. The only time I get to step away from the shame of crazy tight pants is when I swim... which leaves me with no pants at all, just pale skin and a Speedo. Triathlons are not for the self-conscious.
But, it gets worse. It's not just that I know I'm wearing spandex, it's that other people know I'm wearing spandex. And they can see it. Up close. In person.
I try to forget what I must look like, but the universe just won't allow it. This past weekend as I walked along Keller Springs with a perfectly slender man, I began to fear my shadow. Maybe the entire universe wasn't against me... but the sun certainly was. With each step my shadow revealed the parts or me that jiggle. Thanks shadow. It exposed the odd flat part of my butt that gets flatter when I extend my leg. Thanks again shadow. It taunted me by walking beside the thin man shadow for easy comparison. Wow, shadow, you're really going out of your way to make me feel awesome.
There is silver lining... for you. I'll keep wearing the spandex so you don't have to if you help the Asthma and Allergy Foundation. Just $5 will make a difference. Or you can donate $38 in honor of what my last new pair of slimming, black, running pants cost.
To help support the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, Donate here.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Posted by Lacey Hammons at 8:39 PM