Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Warrior Dash

Slowest. Run. Ever. Yep.

Okay, so I walked for the most part. And slid. And had a wet muddy feeling in the seat of my pants.


I saw a super tasty fellow in a loincloth. I didn't have an asthma attack in the giant wind tunnel. I was the cleanest person in my group. We had awesome matching outfits. And the wet muddy feeling in the seat of my pants? Well, happily, it was just pond water and actual mud in the seat of my pants. The fire/barbed wire/warriors didn't literally scare the... never mind.

This event was great! It was well organized, fun, fairly safe, full of variety, affordable, and memorable.

The obstacle recap:

Tornado Alley- I'm from Oklahoma. The only thing that scares me about Tornadoes is the dirt they kick up and the possibility of needing my epipen. Nobody wants a Macauley Culkin incident on the first obstacle. Vada Sultenfuss can't take another loss like that. It was surprisingly winding.

Walk the Plank- This was not nearly as exciting as the image I will always associate with walking the plank. Nor was it as romantic. But it was caked in mud and a fair bit wobbly. Oooo... it's getting scary.

Mud Slide- There was no way to avoid super dirty bottom. Best part about the mud "slide"... the mud was more of the sticky consistency, so people weren't sliding so much as they were dragging their pants through the muck, trying to stand up and falling. Awesome. Have I mentioned I like it when other people fall?

Rio Run- Ummm... brrr... This was greatness. Clumsy people falling all over the place. I am a water rat though, so kudos to me for not falling and staying pretty flippin' dry.

Mud Climb- If you were still clean when you got here, it wasn't going to last long. once you had soaked clothes from the creek bed, getting up the incline was no easy task. Even if you could find a spot that wasn't too slick, as soon as you put your foot down to step, water would squeeze out and send you back down into the poor fellow behind ya.

Hay Fever- Ever been in a hay maze? No. Then you might be impressed. But it's doubtful.

Breathless Bog- As I've mentioned, I'm generally a water lover. Wearing knee length spandex pants, a tshirt, knee high socks, and 10 year old running shoes does not a fun swim make. I had trouble getting over the log, bumped my knees to crap, and drank water from a feed the children commercial. Too harsh? Sally Struthers is fair game, but contaminated drinking water in an impoverished nation isn't really your style? Sorry. I'll make a note. Anywho, I was all wet and sliding around on a huge piece of wood.

Splintering Spools- Another piece of easy. Thanks, after the swim, I need to regain my confidence.

Cargo Climb- Easy.

Warrior Roast- Okay, sad news. The flames were maybe a foot high. Sadder news. I'm so clumsy that I was legitimately afraid of hurting myself by falling on my face in a pile of coals. Saddest news. The event photographer caught my fear with his amazing skills. My face is forever emblazoned on a proof somewhere showing the expressionof the biggest wuss ever.

Muddy Mayhem- I was so clean. Michel intentionally got mud in my face. That's was big bothers, I mean brothers, are for.