Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The White Speedo* Caper

(MUSIC THEME)

NARRATOR:
Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

(MUSIC UP)

NARRATOR:
You're a Triathlete. You're assigned to swim workout. You get a call that lane one has been terrorized by a bandit who wears a white Speedo. Your job - Find him.

(MUSIC UP)

ANNOUNCER:
Trinet -- the documented drama of an actual crime against swimming. For the next three minutes, in cooperation with the AsthmaAthlete and All Tri, you will travel step by step on the side of the law through an actual event transcribe from unofficial files. From beginning to end. From crime to punishment. Trinet is the story of your blogger in action.

(MUSIC FADE)

TUESDAY:
It was Tuesday May 11. It was cool in Richardson. We were waiting to work out at TI before the night watch. My partner's Steven Hooser. The boss is All Tri Coach, Sean Gassman. My name's Lacey. We had just left the office and it was 7: 06pm when we got to the corner of TI Boulevard and Drive K. The TI Activities Center Pool.

Okay- Seriously...

There was totally an older gentleman chilling in the pool in a white, brief style, not-as-thick-as-one-would-have-hoped swimsuit. Ugh. I feel like this sight is worse than the knowledge that people pee in there. I mean... I can't see pee... I can clearly see this guy's personal business. And personal business should be kept confidential.

To make matters worse...

You know how when something smells bad, you immediately offer it to your friends with a cheerful, "smell this!"? Or when you are going through your tri gear after an event and you feel compelled to check out how wet everything still is... and not from the swim? You know how even though you are bothered after you look, you can't help but stare at the dead animal on the highway as you speed by at 70mph? Well, first I pointed it out to Steven (because what heterosexual guy in his mid 20s doesn't want to see a 50+ year old man in a white, wet, speedo?). Then I kept looking. I was drawn to it.

Unfortunately for all of you, I did not take a photo. It seemed like the kind of thing that would land me on a government list of some sort.


*I feel like I should apologize to Speedo. I'm certain the man's swimsuit was not a Speedo. The company I've loved for so long would not forsake our relationship by creating this monstrosity.

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2 comments:

Michel said...

I don't see any names to protect the innocent, unless your talking about the old dude... and he definitely wasn't "innocent".

Also you don't know his name, unless you asked, in which case, creepy.

Michel said...

names changed, I meant.

I mean, I see lots of names up there.